Y’all ready for some more Shenanigans?! My lovely sister, Laura Jo, and I decided it was high time to continue our texting adventures with a brand new series of films. So far we’ve worked our way through Star Wars Episodes IV-VI and the Jurassic Park films. Continuing with the Indiana Jones films only seems right. So let’s do this!
Laura Jo: 2 minutes!!!
C: AW HELL YEAH
C: HA!! That is going on the blog.
LJ: I’m not ashamed of love.
LJ: And through the jungle they go!
C: Ahhh scary stone statue terrifies native!
C: Young Alfred Molina why you gotta taste that poisonous arrow?
LJ: Indy into the caaaaaave
LJ: Get that sand bro
C: And cracking that whip!
LJ: Sooooo many spiderwebs!
LJ: Eeeeee tarantulas!!
LJ: Stay out of the light!!
LJ: Ahhhhh dead guy gross SFX
C: Like, ouch.
LJ: The worst pretty much
C: Saved by the ol’ Indy belt grab, young Alfred Molina.
LJ: Tiny golden statue!
LJ: Yikes pneumatic wall arrow
C: Indy you so smooth dodging those sinking stones!
LJ: It seems to me HALF A BAG OF SAND is not going to equal the weight of a SOLID GOLD STATUETTE
C: But DAMN what a moment!!!
LJ: Oh no trusted companion whyyyyyy
C: RUDE, ALFRED.
LJ: Whoops there he is again
LJ: ICONIC STONE BALL
C: AHHHH BOULDER OF DEATH
LJ: And hey rival guy, what a stupid hat!
C: Right?? Indy’s hat WINS.
C: START THE ENGINES!!! GET IT UP!!!
LJ: Hey the pilot had a Yankees hat!
C: Lol!!! #MetsFan
C: Yaaaassss up the plane goes!!!
LJ: Indy hates snakes! Even pet ones!
LJ: OMG HELLOOOOO TEACHER INDY
C: All the female students are daydreaming.
C: ALL OF THEM
LJ: They’re not the only ones
LJ: ON HER EYELIDS
LJ: HOW DID SHE DO THAT
LJ: SURELY A FRIEND HELPED
C: That is one of the biggest wtfs in this film.
LJ: That and the insensitive treatment of native peoples…oh, 80s
C: God he looks good in glasses.
LJ: HE LOOKS GOOD IN EVERYTHING!!
C: Oh Indy you school us on all that biblical stuff.
LJ: So smart. So handsome.
C: So if you had to choose between Han and Indy…what would happen?
LJ: WORLD WOULD EXPLODE
C: LOL. God help us…
C: Oh heyyyy Indy in a robe.
LJ: And now he has a mission!!!!
LJ: Mapssssss yesssssss
C: Hat over the eyes. Nobody naps like Indy.
LJ: And now we’re in Nepal.
C: Oh hey Marion! Girl whatchu doing? Getting trashed? You do you, mkay?
LJ: And Marion is killing it!
C: Right? Drinking people under the table is one of her many skills.
LJ: Indy shadow!
C: Heck yes that shadow!!
LJ: KAPOW MARION PUNCH
C: Yeah that was a good one! Cheesy comic book sound and everything!
LJ: How is she suddenly having a coherent conversation with him
C: Right?? I would be on the floor napping after all that…
LJ: Indy why you think you can roll up in there and boss her around!
C: “BECAUSE I SAID SO THAT’S WHY.” You tell him, Marion!!
LJ: Yeah girl!!!
LJ: Oh no NAZIS
C: Arrrrgggghhhh Toht!!! Creepy bugger…
LJ: HOT POKER OH NO
C: Whip saves the day!!!
LJ: Uh oh medallion just sitting in the fire
C: Warning: may be hot
LJ: NAZI HAND BURN
LJ: Marion saves Indy!
C: She’s a resourceful lady!!
LJ: INDY OPEN SHIRT
C: HA! Perfection.
C: Also, GIMLI!!!!
LJ: Oh hey Gimli
LJ: MONKEY BETRAYAL
C: Oh God they taught the monkey the Nazi salute.
LJ: OMG ATTACK!
C: Indy let Marion help you! She can fight!
LJ: Into the basket she goes!
LJ: Why do the thugs listen to the monkey?
C: She’s apparently the best spy they’ve got.
LJ: Swordsman! Apparently the scene where Indy shoots him was improvised
C: Yeah! He was sick and didn’t want to mess with choreography. Love it.
C: ALL THE BASKETS
LJ: KABOOM TRUCK
C: WHOOPSIE DAISY
C: Drinking away his sorrows with monkey
LJ: Surely he would have been arrested or something
C: Yeah you’d think…
LJ: Oh no Frenchman returns with hookah
C: And the inferior hat
LJ: OMG why are all those children running into the path of the guns???!
LJ: Gimli’s response to “Marion’s dead” is “Yes I know. Life goes on, Indy.”
C: Yeah. Not the best bedside manner, Gimli.
LJ: THEYRE DIGGING IN THE WRONG PLACE
C: Indy, you so smart.
LJ: Bad dates RIP treacherous monkey
C: Like, how did those guys not think to look at this place?
LJ: Because Nazis.
C: Nazis. MORE LIKE DUMBZIS.
LJ: Thass right Indy! Reading ancient hieroglyphics like it ain’t no thing!
C: Yessss yessss the staff scene!!! It is everything!!!
LJ: WOAH LASER BEAM
C: AHHHH AMAZING
LJ: Oh Indy, I sweat like that too
LJ: How is Indy in disguise when the thing keeps falling off his face and he’s CLEARLY SOME WHITE GUY
LJ: Indy why you gotta leave her!! Come on dude!
C: Yeah. Not his most tactful moment.
LJ: Also, much like Star Wars, Marion is THE ONLY female in this movie.
C: Ugh you’re right.
LJ: Dammit George Lucas
C: Oh hey Nazi! Digging that new palm tat!
C: Also, them digging there is not subtle. Not a bit.
LJ: In a lightning storm no less
LJ: Why does the floor…move?
C: Ick. You don’t wanna know, bro.
C: SNAKES. WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE SNAKES.
LJ: Asps. You go first.
C: Good call, Gimli.
LJ: EW don’t force her to wear the horrible prom dress
C: Frenchman, you freaking CREEP
LJ: Also like HOLDING HER PRISONER IS NOT COOL
LJ: Aaaaaaand into the snake pit
LJ: How are they alive after thousands of years
C: Excellent question.
LJ: Apparently there was glass in between Harrison Ford and the cobra
C: Well thank God for that. Lol.
LJ: Also LIGHTING THE ANCIENT ARCHEOLOGICAL DIG ON FIRE seems like a terrible idea
C: There Marion goes, slinging them back like a champ again!
LJ: Oh great, so as prisoner Marion can fall back on her alcoholism as a resource. Thanks, writers.
LJ: Okay the terrifying lead up to the clothes hanger is hilarious
C: It’s the most sinister coat hanger EVER.
LJ: THERE THAT ARK EVERYONES FUSSIN ABOUT
LJ: Oh no they saw them!
C: RUH ROH
C: LOL. Indy’s fake laugh is perfect. “HAHAHAHA son of a bitch…”
LJ: Yes it is. Yes it is.
LJ: She’s got the right idea. I would totally be insisting upon a piggy back ride in the snake pit
C: Gees right??
LJ: Where the hell are all these snakes coming from
C: I don’t know but HERE WE GO GET READY!!!
LJ: Oh no more mummies!!
C: Why are the mummies making so much noise? They’re dead!
C: Ah yes the planeside fight. Perfect.
LJ: Oh god the most horrifying movie death of my childhood
C: Yeahhhh this one’s brutal…
LJ: And Marion on the anti aircraft guns!
C: You go girl!!!
LJ: …but then she gets stuck in the cockpit?
C: EWWW and there went Nazi giant.
LJ: AHH OMG EW DEATH BY PROPELLER
C: “I’m so pleased you’re not dead!” Oh Gimli. You always know the right things to say.
LJ: I don’t know, I’m making this up as I go
LJ: AND THEN HE HAS A HORSE
C: I find myself thinking of: “I don’t know. Fly casual.”
LJ: UGH HAN SUCH A SCOUNDREL
C: IndiHANa Jones!
LJ: CANNOT COMPUTE TOO MUCH JOY
LJ: Ha! One of the Germans climbing on the car just said scheisse
C: HA! Very sneaky, writers…
LJ: Indy climbs under the car!!!
C: LIKE A BOSS
LJ: And is subsequently dragged behind the car and then somehow gets back into the drivers seat!
C: LIKE A BOSS
C: All that with a bullet wound, too!
LJ: And that Nazi just hit a dog with a watermelon. Did you catch that?
C: Lol! No I missed it but RUDE.
LJ: YES MIRROR SMACK
LJ: ITS NOT THE YEARS, IT’S THE MILEAGE
C: Poor wounded Indy!!!
LJ: Also there is no way he would fall asleep like that
C: Bahaha. He tired!!!
C: Ruh roh! Marion caught again!
LJ: Why does Marion keep getting captured! She’s such a badass!
C: Yeah…kinda lame.
LJ: And why is she always in something revealing
LJ: DAMMIT GEORGE LUCAS
LJ: WHERE WAS YOUR STRONG FEMALE ROLE MODEL AS A CHILD
C: Hahahahaha. Let’s tweet him and ask.
C: YOU CLIMB ONTO THAT BOAT INDY
LJ: More maps!
C: Gotta love a good map.
C: …closely followed by a Nazi flag. Kinda ruins it.
LJ: Omg shirtless Harrison Ford again.
C: Beating the crap outta Nazis for a disguise. Atta boy.
LJ: And he found a jacket that fits, hooray!
C: Why they gotta go all this way to open a box?
LJ: Wait wait wait now they’re on an island??
LJ: And this is the SECOND time he chose the ark over Marion!!
LJ: And how does the French guy know all these rituals??
C: Oh that IS him isn’t it? Wtf??
C: Ahhh mystical Ark stuff!!!
LJ: And here’s a scene responsible for yet even more childhood nightmares!!
C: Yeah it’s scurry!!!
C: FACE MELT. YES.
LJ: FACE MELTING AHH
C: Woah. That was a moment.
LJ: And there are top men working on it now…
C: TOP. MEN.
LJ: Oh Marion, I’m sorry you only have lines about drinking
C: Hahahaha it’s true, poor thing.
LJ: GIANT WAREHOUSE FULL OF SECRETOS
C: AHHHH GOV’MENT CONSPIRACIES!!!!
LJ: Theme music. It’s so good.
C: Yes to the music. Always yes.
LJ: Raiders! Arguably the best Indiana Jones movie!
C: Hoorayyyy Raiders!!!!
C: I don’t know if I’ve ever even seen Temple of Doom all the way through…
C: I know. It’s blasphemous.
C: Good thing that’s next on the list!!
LJ: Huzzah! Tearing out hearts!
LJ: …and not that NSYNC song!
C: Ah yes. I am familiar with that. Both of those, actually.
C: …and now that song is in my head. DAMMIT.
LJ: ITS TEARIN UP MY HEART WHEN IM WITH YOU
C: BUT WHEN WE ARE APART I FEEL IT TOO
LJ: AND NO MATTER WHAT I DO I FEEL THE PAIN
C: WITH OR WITHOUT YOU
LJ: NOW DANCING
C: Dear God. We are so ‘90s/early ‘00s children.
LJ: And god bless us every one
Hope your week is off to a good start, my friends! I leave you with Indy in all his professorly beauty: