We started with A New Hope, continued with The Empire Strikes Back, and OF COURSE we had to finish Star Wars off with Return of the Jedi. So here we go again! I present to you another set of silly texting shenanigans from the Schuster sisters. Enjoy.
Cara: T-MINUS ONE MINUTE
Laura Jo: EWOKS
LJ: This is going to be SO EPIC
C: HECK YES IT IS
LJ: Okay Lucas thanks for all the exposition
C: Oh no! Construction on a worse Death Star! Say it ain’t so!!!
LJ: That Death Star still looks pretty busted to me
C: Lord Vader in da hooouse!
LJ: Welcome back buddy! Long time no see!
LJ: Wow that commander has a srsly adorable dimple haha
C: Aww he does! Boop!
C: Oh heyyyy brobots!
LJ: OMG 3PO is doing something useful!
C: First time for everything!
LJ: Gold star brah
LJ: And this little piggy went AHHHHHH
LJ: EW MORE LIKE JABBA LOOKS LIKE A BUTT
LJ: Oooo Luke somebody combed your hair!
C: He looks all grown up!
LJ: He does! …he also sounds like he’s reading a cue card
C: Just kinda…
LJ: OMG CARBONITE HAN
LJ: HE NEEDS MY HUGS
LJ: Wow this hallway they’re in is scawwy
C: Yeah. I’ve seen worse hostels.
LJ: Space harmonica playing frog?
C: It happens.
C: Ew. I don’t like these CGI additions.
LJ: Oh man forgot about the weird new cgi lady reptile singer
LJ: He needs to employ someone whose job it is to tell him no
C: SRSLY. Think he’s taking applications for the new film??
C: POOR GUY!!!
C: Oh Boba Fett. Charming the ladies.
LJ: THERMAL DETONATOR!
C: ERRBODY DUCK
LJ: Lando in disguise!
C: Saaaaave him!!!
LJ: Special effects win
LJ: OMG U COULD HAVE CAUGHT HIM BEFORE HE FACE PLANTED
C: Hahaha. Rude.
LJ: WHAT UP LEIA
C: We knew it was a lady because we heard her DAMN HEELS. Poor choice for stealth.
LJ: Again. Where are all the other ladies?
C: Well we did get to see one eaten a bit ago…
C: AND IT FEELS SO GOOD
LJ: WOOKIE HUG
C: And bromantic wookie head stroke
LJ: Aaaaaand the gold swimsuit thing. Responsible for nerd fantasies across generations.
C: Ha! Truth.
C: Poor random pig guard…
LJ: Pork: the other white meat.
LJ: A rancor gotta eat!
C: The ol’ trap their jaw open with a bone trick. Works every time.
LJ: That’s right, Luke, break its nail.
LJ: Awwwww now I feel bad for it
C: IT WHIMPERED LIKE A PUPPEH
LJ: Hey, everybody’s together again!
C: Reunited and it feeeeeels…well, actually could be better.
C: It’s the space yacht!
LJ: How has NO ONE noticed Lando yet?!
C: Jabba needs to wash that green gunk off his face. Ew.
LJ: Errebody’s too scared to tell him he got some goo
LJ: Bye Boba Fett!!!
LJ: Sry bro!
LJ: And sometimes Leia will STRAIGHT UP MURDER A FOOL
C: Not just any fool—gunk-faced Jabba.
LJ: OMG Lando watch out
LJ: HAN CANT SEE AND HE STILL RULES
C: Peace out, space yacht!!!
LJ: That’s what you get for being GROSS
LJ: Death Star 2 y’all clean up nice
C: With the emperor in town they’d better! Eeeeek!
LJ: Two words, Mr. Emperor: sunscreen. Moisturizer.
LJ: When 900 years old you reach, look as good you will not!
LJ: YOUR FATHER HE IS
C: Sorry, Luke. Yo daddy be cray.
LJ: He’s just misunderstood!
LJ: Omg there is another…Sky…wa…lker
LJ: Peace Yoda 😦
C: I’m sorry and all, but…all I could look at was Yoda’s lazy eye…
LJ: HES 900
LJ: HAVE SOME RESPECT
C: HE’S VOICED BY GROVER
LJ: Oh hey Ben!
C: He is a very clear apparition! Not wispy or faint at all!
LJ: Jedi ghost bro
C: If all ghosts were Jedi ghosts, scary movies would be less scary
LJ: Leia!! Leia is my sister!!
LJ: …immediately followed by a real big OOPS
C: Now Luke has the whoooole ride back to think about the almost incest…
LJ: OMG a lady!! Another rebel lady!!
C: They’re not TOTALLY absent—just mostly.
LJ: Leia has really good hair in this one
C: She does, doesn’t she? Big improvement from the double bun.
LJ: Yeah she leveled up
LJ: Lukes back, yay!
LJ: How does Vader knooooowwww
C: I dunno! Fly casual.
LJ: Hahaha yes. I’m going to start saying that in life
C: Please do.
LJ: …looks like Colorado
C: Way to go, Solo. Snapping that twig…
LJ: COULD HAPPEN TO ANYONE
LJ: High speed chase in the forest, danger level A LOT
C: Jesus take the wheel
LJ: Leia, dive bombing off the speeder
LJ: Incidentally that’s much like how I learned to ride a bike
C: I don’t remember high speed hovercraft divebombing when we were growing up…
LJ: When you’re learning to ride without training wheel THAT’S WHAT IT FEELS LIKE
C: THEY’RE SO FRIGGIN CUTE
LJ: He’s all suspicious until she has treats
C: THEY’RE LIKE A BEAR AND A DOG AND A PERSON ALL IN ONE
LJ: So, perfection.
LJ: Woah Emperor swivel chair
C: Courtesy of the Death Star IKEA
LJ: Ew Chewie no don’t touch that!
C: Trapped in a primitive net. Fail.
LJ: CAPTURED BY EWOKS, WIN
C: Best. Captors. Ever.
LJ: TREEHOUSE WORLD
C: Oh. My. God. DID YOU SEE THE BABY EWOK???
LJ: Too presh.
C: Also, Leia’s hair is now suuuuuper flower child.
LJ: Yeah haha she’s winning at treehouse world
LJ: And yes. Jedis can make chairs fly!
C: Handy party trick.
C: Han and Leia are totes Facebook official.
LJ: 3PO does sound effects like woah
C: Right? Who knew!!
LJ: HAN MADE AN EWOK FRIEND
C: CUDDLES!!! JEALOUS!!!
LJ: I don’t know if I’m more jealous of Han or the Ewok
C: It’s a toss up.
LJ: Omg Luke and Leia heart to heart
C: Now SHE gets to feel weird about almost incest! Hooray!!!
LJ: Somehow I’ve always known?! Including that time we made out?!
LJ: …it’s fine, everyone. They caught it in time
C: HAN! Be more understanding, bro!
LJ: WHATEVER HE IS FEELING FEELINGS TOO
LJ: Ah Luke and VADER
C: What Luke is trying to say, James Earl Jones, is REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE!!! #mufasaisvader
LJ: Okay here we go battle of Endor
C: Admiral Ackbar sounds a little like Winston Churchill.
LJ: Oh, HAN, the old tap-em-on-the-shoulder-and-run trick
C: I literally lol’d. Completely forgot about that. It’s the simple plans.
LJ: So…the Emperor is to Voldemort as Luke is to Harry Potter
C: Which makes Vader…Snape?
C: AND LEIA HERMIONE AND HAN RON
LJ: R2 DOBBY
C: CHEWIE HAGRID
LJ: YODA DUMBLEBORE
C: THIS IS BRILLIANT. WE ARE BRILLIANT.
LJ: LANDO SIRIUS
LJ: Aunte Petunia
LJ: Yay everyone saved by the Ewoks!!
C: Of COURSE. They are the best, most adorable little saviors.
LJ: God their battle cry is precious
C: 3PO seriously could not be more of a pansy. “R2! Come baaaaack!”
LJ: Oh no busted Death Star is operational!!!!!!
C: Gees. The emperor looks like the girl from The Exorcist.
LJ: Right?! Geez you’d think with all that power you could force yourself to be less scary lookin
LJ: That’s right HAN, of course you can hotwire that thing
LJ: Also my phone now autocorrects Han to HAN
C: HA! I’d expect no less from your phone.
LJ: CHEWIE TARZAN YELL
C: I tell you what, thank God they made ewok friends because otherwise they’d be screwed.
LJ: Yeah this battle is won bc of those intrepid little fur balls
LJ: I LOVE YOU
LJ: I KNOW
LJ: Lightsaber battle between Luke and his Vati (note: “Vati” is German for “daddy”)
LJ: Wow these empire guys are chumps
LJ: BOOM BROS YALL GOT BEAT
C: SUFFER ADORABLE DEFEAT
LJ: OMG Luke stay calm bro!!!
LJ: ANOTHER HAND CUT OFF
C: THIS IS LIKE THE 23RD LOST HAND
C: Who is this chump copiloting for Lando??
LJ: Somebody’s cousin, who knows
C: OUCH! Emperor just went Storm on Luke’s ass!
LJ: ANGRY HAND LIGHTNING
C: Vader’s all, “LAY OFF MY KID, BRO.”
LJ: THAT’S RIGHT
LJ: HE WILL PICK YOU UP AND TOSS YOU
C: AND BOOM GOES THE EMPIRE
LJ: OMG VADER stop being sweet right before you dieeeeee
C: To think—that was once Hayden Christensen…
LJ: Whatever, no it wasn’t
LJ: Oh Han you don’t understand!!!
LJ: HE’S HER BROTHER
C: HAN IS SO BEFUDDLED
LJ: Goodbye Anakin 😦
LJ: Haha my phone tried to correct that to Analog
C: Lol! iPhone, c’mon—aren’t you familiar with Star Wars?
LJ: Oh dear rebel pilots up your dancing game pls
C: I think even 3PO could dance better.
C: He IS dancing better.
LJ: THAT’S HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
LJ: THEY SUPERIMPOSED HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
C: …Are you gonna be okay?
LJ: IT SEEMS WRONG.
C: It does. Hopefully J.J. Abrams can right the wrongs of Episodes 1-3.
C: But hey—we finished our first trio of movies!!!
LJ: Next: [INSERT SPOILER]
That’s right! We’ve already decided what trilogy we’re tackling next! For now, I will only give you this hint: the first one is awesome, the second is fairly good (in my opinion), and the third one is not so good (in the world’s opinion). I hope you guys are enjoying this feature because my sister and I have been having a blast. Any trilogies you lot think we should take on? Open for suggestions! And HAPPY FRIDAY! 🙂