Schuster Sister Shenanigans: Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

We started with A New Hope, continued with The Empire Strikes Back, and OF COURSE we had to finish Star Wars off with Return of the Jedi. So here we go again! I present to you another set of silly texting shenanigans from the Schuster sisters. Enjoy.

 

Cara: T-MINUS ONE MINUTE

Laura Jo: EWOKS

C: ADORBS

C: PLAY!!!!!!

LJ: This is going to be SO EPIC

C: HECK YES IT IS

LJ: Okay Lucas thanks for all the exposition

C: Oh no! Construction on a worse Death Star! Say it ain’t so!!!

LJ: That Death Star still looks pretty busted to me

C: Lord Vader in da hooouse!

LJ: Welcome back buddy! Long time no see!

LJ: Wow that commander has a srsly adorable dimple haha

 

C: Aww he does! Boop!

LJ: Droids!!!!!!

C: Oh heyyyy brobots!

LJ: OMG 3PO is doing something useful!

C: First time for everything!

LJ: Gold star brah

LJ: And this little piggy went AHHHHHH

LJ: EW MORE LIKE JABBA LOOKS LIKE A BUTT

LJ: Oooo Luke somebody combed your hair!

C: He looks all grown up!

LJ: He does! …he also sounds like he’s reading a cue card

C: Just kinda…

LJ: OMG CARBONITE HAN

LJ: HE NEEDS MY HUGS

C: LOL

LJ: Wow this hallway they’re in is scawwy

C: Yeah. I’ve seen worse hostels.

LJ: Hahahaha

LJ: Space harmonica playing frog?

C: It happens.

C: Ew. I don’t like these CGI additions.

LJ: Oh man forgot about the weird new cgi lady reptile singer

GEORGE LUCAS, WHY BRO????

C: Like…why?

LJ: He needs to employ someone whose job it is to tell him no

C: SRSLY. Think he’s taking applications for the new film??

LJ: CHEWIE

C: POOR GUY!!!

C: Oh Boba Fett. Charming the ladies.

LJ: THERMAL DETONATOR!

C: ERRBODY DUCK

LJ: Lando in disguise!

LJ: HAAAAAAAAN

C: Saaaaave him!!!

LJ: Special effects win

LJ: OMG U COULD HAVE CAUGHT HIM BEFORE HE FACE PLANTED

C: Hahaha. Rude.

LJ: WHAT UP LEIA

C: We knew it was a lady because we heard her DAMN HEELS. Poor choice for stealth.

LJ: Again. Where are all the other ladies?

C: Well we did get to see one eaten a bit ago…

LJ: REUNITED

C: AND IT FEELS SO GOOD

LJ: WOOKIE HUG

C: And bromantic wookie head stroke

LJ: Aaaaaand the gold swimsuit thing. Responsible for nerd fantasies across generations.

 

C: Ha! Truth.

C: Poor random pig guard…

LJ: Pork: the other white meat.

C: Hahahaha

LJ: A rancor gotta eat!

C: The ol’ trap their jaw open with a bone trick. Works every time.

LJ: That’s right, Luke, break its nail.

C: Lololol

LJ: Awwwww now I feel bad for it

C: IT WHIMPERED LIKE A PUPPEH

LJ: 😦

LJ: Hey, everybody’s together again!

C: Reunited and it feeeeeels…well, actually could be better.

LJ: Hahahaaha

C: It’s the space yacht!

LJ: How has NO ONE noticed Lando yet?!

C: Jabba needs to wash that green gunk off his face. Ew.

LJ: Errebody’s too scared to tell him he got some goo

C: Hahahaha

LJ: Bye Boba Fett!!!

LJ: Sry bro!

LJ: And sometimes Leia will STRAIGHT UP MURDER A FOOL

C: Not just any fool—gunk-faced Jabba.

LJ: OMG Lando watch out

LJ: HAN CANT SEE AND HE STILL RULES

C: Peace out, space yacht!!!

LJ: That’s what you get for being GROSS

LJ: Death Star 2 y’all clean up nice

C: With the emperor in town they’d better! Eeeeek!

LJ: Two words, Mr. Emperor: sunscreen. Moisturizer.

C: Hahahahaha

C: Yoooooooda!!!

LJ: When 900 years old you reach, look as good you will not!

LJ: YOUR FATHER HE IS

C: Sorry, Luke. Yo daddy be cray.

LJ: He’s just misunderstood!

LJ: Omg there is another…Sky…wa…lker

C: Gasp!

LJ: Peace Yoda 😦

C: I’m sorry and all, but…all I could look at was Yoda’s lazy eye…

LJ: HES 900

LJ: HAVE SOME RESPECT

C: HE’S VOICED BY GROVER

LJ: Shhhhhhh

LJ: Oh hey Ben!

C: He is a very clear apparition! Not wispy or faint at all!

LJ: Jedi ghost bro

C: If all ghosts were Jedi ghosts, scary movies would be less scary

LJ: Leia!! Leia is my sister!!

LJ: …immediately followed by a real big OOPS

C: Now Luke has the whoooole ride back to think about the almost incest…

C: LADY!!!

LJ: OMG a lady!! Another rebel lady!!

YOU GO, GIRL!!!!

LJ: Hooraaaay!

C: They’re not TOTALLY absent—just mostly.

LJ: Leia has really good hair in this one

C: She does, doesn’t she? Big improvement from the double bun.

LJ: Yeah she leveled up

LJ: Lukes back, yay!

LJ: How does Vader knooooowwww

C: I dunno! Fly casual.

LJ: Hahaha yes. I’m going to start saying that in life

C: Please do.

LJ: Endorrrrrr

LJ: …looks like Colorado

C: Way to go, Solo. Snapping that twig…

LJ: COULD HAPPEN TO ANYONE

LJ: High speed chase in the forest, danger level A LOT

C: Jesus take the wheel

LJ: Hahahaha

LJ: Leia, dive bombing off the speeder

LJ: Incidentally that’s much like how I learned to ride a bike

C: I don’t remember high speed hovercraft divebombing when we were growing up…

LJ: When you’re learning to ride without training wheel THAT’S WHAT IT FEELS LIKE

C: Hahahaha

LJ: E

LJ: W

LJ: O

LJ: K

C: THEY’RE SO FRIGGIN CUTE

LJ: He’s all suspicious until she has treats

C: THEY’RE LIKE A BEAR AND A DOG AND A PERSON ALL IN ONE

LJ: So, perfection.

C: Precisely.

LJ: Woah Emperor swivel chair

C: Courtesy of the Death Star IKEA

LJ: Hahahaha

LJ: Ew Chewie no don’t touch that!

C: Trapped in a primitive net. Fail.

LJ: CAPTURED BY EWOKS, WIN

C: Best. Captors. Ever.

LJ: TREEHOUSE

LJ: TREEHOUSE WORLD

C: Oh. My. God. DID YOU SEE THE BABY EWOK???

LJ: Too presh.

C: Also, Leia’s hair is now suuuuuper flower child.

LJ: Yeah haha she’s winning at treehouse world

LJ: And yes. Jedis can make chairs fly!

C: Handy party trick.

C: Han and Leia are totes Facebook official.

LJ: Hahahahaha

LJ: 3PO does sound effects like woah

C: Right? Who knew!!

LJ: HAN MADE AN EWOK FRIEND

C: CUDDLES!!! JEALOUS!!!

LJ: I don’t know if I’m more jealous of Han or the Ewok

C: It’s a toss up.

LJ: Omg Luke and Leia heart to heart

C: Now SHE gets to feel weird about almost incest! Hooray!!!

LJ: Somehow I’ve always known?! Including that time we made out?!

C: LOL

LJ: …it’s fine, everyone. They caught it in time

C: HAN! Be more understanding, bro!

LJ: WHATEVER HE IS FEELING FEELINGS TOO

LJ: Ah Luke and VADER

C: What Luke is trying to say, James Earl Jones, is REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE!!! #mufasaisvader

LJ: Hahahahah

LJ: Okay here we go battle of Endor

C: Admiral Ackbar sounds a little like Winston Churchill.

LJ: Hahahaha

LJ: Oh, HAN, the old tap-em-on-the-shoulder-and-run trick

C: I literally lol’d. Completely forgot about that. It’s the simple plans.

LJ: So…the Emperor is to Voldemort as Luke is to Harry Potter

C: Which makes Vader…Snape?

C: AND LEIA HERMIONE AND HAN RON

LJ: Totes

LJ: R2 DOBBY

C: CHEWIE HAGRID

LJ: YODA DUMBLEBORE

C: THIS IS BRILLIANT. WE ARE BRILLIANT.

LJ: LANDO SIRIUS

C: 3PO…um.

LJ: Hahahahaha

LJ: Aunte Petunia

C: LOLOLOLOLOLOL

Mind. Blown.

LJ: Yay everyone saved by the Ewoks!!

C: Of COURSE. They are the best, most adorable little saviors.

LJ: God their battle cry is precious

C: RIGHT

C: 3PO seriously could not be more of a pansy. “R2! Come baaaaack!”

LJ: Hahahaha

LJ: Oh no busted Death Star is operational!!!!!!

C: Gees. The emperor looks like the girl from The Exorcist.

LJ: Right?! Geez you’d think with all that power you could force yourself to be less scary lookin

LJ: That’s right HAN, of course you can hotwire that thing

LJ: Also my phone now autocorrects Han to HAN

C: HA! I’d expect no less from your phone.

LJ: CHEWIE TARZAN YELL

C: I tell you what, thank God they made ewok friends because otherwise they’d be screwed.

LJ: Yeah this battle is won bc of those intrepid little fur balls

LJ: I LOVE YOU

LJ: I KNOW

C: Hahahaha

LJ: Lightsaber battle between Luke and his Vati (note: “Vati” is German for “daddy”)

C: INTENSE

LJ: Wow these empire guys are chumps

LJ: BOOM BROS YALL GOT BEAT

C: SUFFER ADORABLE DEFEAT

LJ: OMG Luke stay calm bro!!!

LJ: ANOTHER HAND CUT OFF

LJ: REVERSAL

C: THIS IS LIKE THE 23^RD LOST HAND

C: Who is this chump copiloting for Lando??

LJ: Somebody’s cousin, who knows

For real, who let this guy out?

C: OUCH! Emperor just went Storm on Luke’s ass!

LJ: ANGRY HAND LIGHTNING

C: Vader’s all, “LAY OFF MY KID, BRO.”

LJ: THAT’S RIGHT

LJ: HE WILL PICK YOU UP AND TOSS YOU

C: AND BOOM GOES THE EMPIRE

LJ: OMG VADER stop being sweet right before you dieeeeee

C: To think—that was once Hayden Christensen…

LJ: Whatever, no it wasn’t

LJ: Oh Han you don’t understand!!!

LJ: HE’S HER BROTHER

C: HAN IS SO BEFUDDLED

LJ: Goodbye Anakin 😦

LJ: Haha my phone tried to correct that to Analog

C: Lol! iPhone, c’mon—aren’t you familiar with Star Wars?

LJ: Oh dear rebel pilots up your dancing game pls

C: I think even 3PO could dance better.

C: He IS dancing better.

LJ: Ouch.

LJ: WOAH

LJ: THAT’S HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN

LJ: THEY SUPERIMPOSED HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN

C: …Are you gonna be okay?

LJ: IT SEEMS WRONG.

C: It does. Hopefully J.J. Abrams can right the wrongs of Episodes 1-3.

C: But hey—we finished our first trio of movies!!!

LJ: Next: [INSERT SPOILER]

That’s right! We’ve already decided what trilogy we’re tackling next! For now, I will only give you this hint: the first one is awesome, the second is fairly good (in my opinion), and the third one is not so good (in the world’s opinion). I hope you guys are enjoying this feature because my sister and I have been having a blast. Any trilogies you lot think we should take on? Open for suggestions! And HAPPY FRIDAY! 🙂