Schuster Sister Shenanigans: Zombieland

Hey, guys! I’m FINALLY here with a new post this week! Apologies for the absence—it’s been surprisingly busy around here lately! Anyway, I decided it was time to revive something that I haven’t done for a long while—some Schuster Sister Shenanigans! Our last endeavor involved some of Pixar’s finest, but for this month we knew we wanted to text about a set of movies that are very niche, but very appropriate for this month: zombie comedies. There are actually more out there than you might think, but for this round of Shenanigans we have chosen three that are near and dear to our hearts. And, of course, we have to start with one of the best of the best. Ready for some Zombieland?

Laura Jo: OMG gooooooo!!!

Cara: TIME FOR ZOMBIES

LJ: And Woody Harrelson!!

LJ: ❤ ❤

C: Tallahassee IS this movie.

LJ: Yes indeed

LJ: It’s one of those where literally everyone in the movie ended up a superstar

C: And for good reason.

LJ: Jesse Eisenberg narration!

C: Zombies on Capitol Hill!!!

LJ: Ew gross zombie

LJ: THE ZOMBIE BURB

LJ: STAHP

C: Hahaha

C: OMG the rules!!! The rules are the best in this.

LJ: Oh, cardio

LJ: That one’s gonna get me too

LJ: YES DOUBLE TAP

C: Mustn’t forget that.

LJ: I use that term at work when we have a project that won’t die, haha

C: HA

LJ: OHNO

LJ: Toilet zombie

LJ: THE WORST

C: And little girl princess zombies. Horrifying.

LJ: Rule #4: seat belts

LJ: Also very applicable in cabs

C: A good life rule in general, methinks.

C: ZOMBIE BRIDE

C: AND ZOMBIE STRIPPER. Gets me every time.

C: AND ZOMBIE FATHER-SON THREE LEGGED RACES. I love these opening creds.

LJ: I could do with a little less blood vomit

LJ: But yes, it’s a good sequence

C: Poor, meek Jesse Eisenberg being all by his lonesome.

LJ: OH NO RUUUUUN

C: At least he’s got this cardio thing down.

LJ: GAS STATION ZOMBIES

C: Way too much gross about that.

LJ: They are so loud, geez

C: BACKSEAT ZOMBIE NOOOOO

LJ: Hahahahahe turns the windshield wipers on

C: I mean, whatever you’ve gotta do. Haha.

LJ: This was one of his first movies, yes?

C: Yeah I think so!

LJ: OMG TALLASSEE

LJ: ALSO DON’T KNOW HOW TO SPELL THAT

C: SO MUCH WINNING

C: And it’s okay—autocorrect will help.

LJ: Yaaaaaas Woody Harrelson sawed off shotgun

This is what winning looks like.

LJ: Okay his rolling suitcase is hilarious

C: Bahaha. He is overly prepared.

C: “You almost knocked over your alcohol with your knife.” He said in the car. Hahahaha.

LJ: lol you almost knocked over your alcohol with your knife

C: THE SAME

LJ: Hahahah

LJ: Aaaaaand Hostess truck!!

LJ: Lol and Jesse limbers up

C: Oh Columbus. Stop. Bless your heart, stop.

C: Snowballs nooooo!

LJ: sNO balls

C: HA. Oh you clever thing you.

LJ: Hahaha “I hate coconut. Not the taste, the consistency.”

Filthy imposter…

C: He knows what he likes.

C: Fears: department store Santa and being alone with babies. Hahahahaha.

LJ: Ps his apartment is AMAZING for a supposed college student

LJ: Or maybe I’ve just been in New York too long

C: Bahaha. No it’s pretty huge.

LJ: OH NO DON’T LET HER IN

C: Yeah this was his first mistake. But how could he know?!

LJ: Lol he pours her code red Mountain Dew into a mug

C: Very smooth, Columbus.

LJ: Do they even make that stuff anymore??

C: Y’know I’m not sure…

LJ: Also he offered her Golden Grahams…

C: All class.

LJ: Gentlemen: always offer her Golden Grahams

C: ALWAYS.

LJ: “Do you mind if I just close my eyes for a minute?” WHY YES, YOU GO HOME NOW.

C: Okay, Columbus is sweet and all, but why does homegirl just sleep on him?

LJ: OH GOD ZOMBIE GIRL

It’s okay, girl. That’s basically how I feel in the morning, too.

LJ: I just jumped. I’ll be honest.

LJ: I’m a [insert chicken emoji]

C: Hahaha. It’s okay, sis.

LJ: EW OH GOD HE BREAKS HER LEG

LJ: That might be the most disturbing thing in this whole movie

C: I CAN’T. I hate when bones break skin.

LJ: Ew nope it’s the tongue through the shower curtain

C: Ewwww but dragging that broken foot though…

LJ: Nope. Nope nope nope nope.

C: Back to Tallahassee. Thank God.

LJ: “There are no penguins in the North Pole.”

C: “You wanna feel how hard I can punch?” Hahahaha.

LJ: LOL

C: Zombie eating man is “enjoying her manwich” according to Tallahassee. EVERYTHING HE SAYS IS GOLD.

LJ: Truth.

C: “Time to nut up or shut up.” Biggest takeaway from this movie.

LJ: Hahaha

LJ: NNNOOO NOT THE BANJO

C: Dueling Banjos right before zombie attack. Amazing.

LJ: “You gotta purty mouth” is a good way to kill a zombie

C: He truly is a master. If I could compile a master zombie killing team, Tallahassee would be captain.

LJ: And Emma Stone, ladies and gents!

C: Yaaasss Emma Stone! And teenage Abigail Breslin (which still freaks me out)!

LJ: Hahaha

LJ: Emma Stone’s makeup game is on fleek

C: Oh God. Please don’t use “fleek.” I will lose all respect for you.

LJ: Also this is a REALLY big gamble for them to take, giving a stranger a gun to kill one of them

C: Well yeah we all know how this works out…hindsight.

LJ: It’s funny to see Emma Stone with dark hair too

C: Yeah I don’t think she’s had hair this dark since this movie actually…

LJ: What is Abigail Breslin doing these days??

C: She’s gonna be on Scream Queens! (Sidenote: You can read about Scream Queens here.)

LJ: Oooooooooo

Nope. Cannot handle this. Some people shouldn’t be allowed to grow up.

C: Ugh. Of course they find an empty Hummer.

LJ: Hahahaha

LJ: Sorry Cara beara

C: I mean, I realize it would probably be a perfect vehicle for the zombocalypse…but still.

LJ: My only concern in such a situation is getting across the George Washington Bridge

C: OMG TALLAHASSEE AND THE PUPPEH

C: “Enjoy the little things.” Amen, buddy.

LJ: Yes indeed

LJ: And abandoned suv

C: Duped by the sisters again!

C: “DON’T KILL ME WITH MY OWN GUN!” Hahaha.

LJ: Hahahaha Emma Stone just says “bummer”

C: Sass.

LJ: “I was engaged once…but I’m single now!” –awkward gas station attendant

C: Omg SO awkward. He makes Columbus look like James Bond.

LJ: GET IT COLUMBUS

LJ: YOU TELL THEM WHAT FOR

LJ: ERREBODY PUT YO GUNS AWAY

C: I love that “playing I Spy like four normal ass Americans” is a thing.

LJ: I also love the relationship btwn Tallahassee and Little Rock

C: Aww poor Columbus. He just found out his hometown is gonezo. 😥

LJ: Oh no! Columbus, OH is gone 😥

LJ: Hopefully all the zombies bypassed Evansville (sidenote: our hometown) and went there instead

C: HA! God let’s hope.

C: Hell though, I feel like the zombie apocalypse would START here.

LJ: …

LJ: …yeaaaaaah…

C: Hahahaha.

C: Oh yeah! Columbus chooses a chance at lurrrrve over going his own way!

LJ: And weird tourist roadside stop

C: Yeah pretty random…

LJ: LOL. Sister Cynthia Knickerbocker’s zombie kill of the week

C: I love that zombie kill of the week goes to a nun who uses a piano like Wiley freaking Coyote.

LJ: HA!! Columbus sprays Tallahassee with perfume

C: LOL. The look on Tallahasse’s face…Perfect.

LJ: “I’ve beat wholesale ass for a lot less than that. You get 45% power.”

C: Hahaha right? I love it.

C: And now we’re just gonna break sh*t.

LJ: I imagine this would have been really fun to film but it just gives me anxiety

LJ: PUT THE SIMILARLY COLORED BEADS BACK IN THEIR CATEGORIES

C: HA. Omigosh. You’re silly.

LJ: HA! They’re listening to Wicked

C: HA. With Little Rock and Tallahassee discussing Hannah Montana.

LJ: Yep

LJ: Brilliant

C: Omigosh. I just got so excited for the upcoming GREATEST CAMEO OF ALL TIME.

LJ: ITS ABOUT TO HAPPEN

C: And what a house!!

LJ: Lol. “Who’s the big BM?” “It ain’t Bob Marley.”

LJ: LA MANSION DE MURRAY

C: AND LITTLE ROCK DOESN’T KNOW WHO HE IS

LJ: Hahahahaha

LJ: And there’s Bill Murray’s baby grand piano! And his movie theater!

LJ: And his 4 poster canopy bed!

LJ: GHOSTBUSTERS AHHH

C: THE BEST

LJ: This baroque freaking house is insane

C: Uh oh! Someone’s sneaking around…

C: BILL MURRAY ISN’T A ZOMBIE! HUZZAH!

LJ: Even with the zombie makeup he looks so young haha

C: HA. Emma Stone as the Ghostbusters secretary.

LJ: Yaaaaaas

LJ: Oh Columbus grilling Little Rock about Wichita

C: He tries.

C: OH NO

C: MURRAY DOWN

LJ: THEY MESSED UP HIS SWEATER VEST

LJ: “Do you have any regrets?”

C: “Garfield, maybe.” LOL.

LJ: YAAAAS

C: Even his death is hilarious. Kudos, Bill Murray.

LJ: Squatting in Billy Murray’s house is not the worst way to spend the end of the world.

C: Omg! Jesse Eisenberg mocks FB status updates prior to doing the Social Network. Perfect.

LJ: Brilliant

LJ: Oh, Tallahassee, Buck wasn’t a dog!!!

C: OMG TALLAHASSEE LOST A KID

C: SH*T JUST GOT REAL SAD

LJ: (But who names a kid Buck let’s be real)

C: “I haven’t cried like that since Titanic.” *wipes tears with $100 bills*

LJ: #winning

C: And Tallahassee and Little Rock bonding over shooting things.

LJ: And Wichita finds the wine

LJ: My kinda gal

My sister’s new bff

C: She knows how to zombie apocalypse.

LJ: And then they bonded about 1997

LJ: “Sadie Hawkins, girls’ choice.”

LJ: “What, nobody picked you?”

LJ: “…it was girls’ choice.”

C: Poor, sweet Columbus!

LJ: Jesse Eisenberg is super cute

LJ: Omg she thinks so too!!

C: Too bad he only gets to play incredibly awkward people or a-holes.

LJ: LOL

LJ: And Tallahassee totally ruins the mood with a homemade fort

C: And now the sisters are bailing!!!

LJ: Here we go again

C: Ladies, come on. You’re smarter than this.

LJ: Don’t go to the theme park, girls. It’s a terrible idea.

C: Oh Wichita. Ohhhh why did you turn the power on??

LJ: Oh no, lights on in the theme park!

C: The worst idea in the history of the worst ideas.

LJ: Ahhhh ERREBODY RUN

C: WAY TOO MANY THEME PARK ZOMBIES

LJ: Apparently when the world ended everyone thought it was time to go to theme parks

C: Tallahassee says, “That’ll do, pig,” for goodbye. The best.

LJ: Aw, Tallahassee. Ya big sweetheart.

C: Of course he can’t leave behind defenseless Columbus.

LJ: Ooof

LJ: Stuck on a ride surrounded by zombies

LJ: Nope nope nope

C: Basically.

LJ: Oh no!! Tallahassee!! Don’t be a hero!!

C: Oh he can handle it. He was born for this.

LJ: Hanging off the side of a tilt a whirl with a machine gun, woo!

C: SWAG

LJ: Nonono not into the haunted house!

C: RIGHT? Terrible idea.

LJ: Also these zombies are quite athletic

LJ: Climbing up the side of the ride?

LJ: I am an able bodied human and I’m not sure I could do that

C: They really are. I would not survive these zombies. I could only survive, like, Night of the Living Dead zombies.

LJ: Yeah I need em slow and stupid

C: Tallahassee’s last stand in the prize thing!

LJ: Tallahassee’s last stand in a snakeskin shirt

C: HA. I would expect no less.

LJ: WHAT IS THAT JACKET

LJ: In what world was snakeskin fashionable

C: OH HELL NO CLOWN ZOMBIE

LJ: Ew ew eww

LJ: The slobber is killing me

C: It’s like gore slobber. So much ew.

C: But it’s okay! Because Columbus saves the day!

LJ: And they are finally off the ride!!

C: And Wichita’s name is Krista!

LJ: Woooooooo! Way to get the girl, Columbus!

C: Get it boyyyyy

C: “Where are ya, ya spongy yellow delicious bastards?!” Hahahaha.

LJ: Rats!!! Noooooo

LJ: Worse than zombies

C: RUINED TWINKIES

C: ALSO WORSE THAN ZOMBIES

LJ: HAHAHAHAHA

C: Oh my God Little Rock throws Tallahassee a Twinkie and HIS FACE.

LJ: Oh thank god they finally acknowledged the snakeskin jacket

C: Bahaha.

LJ: They are clearly BFFs

LJ: Omg 406 was Amber Heard?!

C: THAT’S who that is.

LJ: Isn’t she married to Johnny Depp now?!

C: Yeah or something. I don’t know. She’s weird. And not a great actress. Haha.

LJ: I’ve never met an Amber that I liked.

C: LOL. Aw I know a few!

C: But this is beside the point. Point is: yaaaayyyy Zombieland!!!!

LJ: Yes, we did it! Hooray!!

LJ: Next is [insert another zom-com]?

For your future reference…

What IS our next zombie comedy?! You’ll just have to wait and see! More Shenanigans to come! Also, I’m gonna try to make up for my lack of Spook Series stuff with a double post next week and HOPEFULLY a little something covering all those premieres I’ve yet to discuss…We’ll see. I shouldn’t over commit. Lol. Have an excellent weekend! Enjoy it before this happens…