Hey, guys! I’m FINALLY here with a new post this week! Apologies for the absence—it’s been surprisingly busy around here lately! Anyway, I decided it was time to revive something that I haven’t done for a long while—some Schuster Sister Shenanigans! Our last endeavor involved some of Pixar’s finest, but for this month we knew we wanted to text about a set of movies that are very niche, but very appropriate for this month: zombie comedies. There are actually more out there than you might think, but for this round of Shenanigans we have chosen three that are near and dear to our hearts. And, of course, we have to start with one of the best of the best. Ready for some Zombieland?
Laura Jo: OMG gooooooo!!!
Cara: TIME FOR ZOMBIES
LJ: And Woody Harrelson!!
LJ: ❤ ❤
C: Tallahassee IS this movie.
LJ: Yes indeed
LJ: It’s one of those where literally everyone in the movie ended up a superstar
C: And for good reason.
LJ: Jesse Eisenberg narration!
C: Zombies on Capitol Hill!!!
LJ: Ew gross zombie
LJ: THE ZOMBIE BURB
C: OMG the rules!!! The rules are the best in this.
LJ: Oh, cardio
LJ: That one’s gonna get me too
LJ: YES DOUBLE TAP
C: Mustn’t forget that.
LJ: I use that term at work when we have a project that won’t die, haha
LJ: Toilet zombie
LJ: THE WORST
C: And little girl princess zombies. Horrifying.
LJ: Rule #4: seat belts
LJ: Also very applicable in cabs
C: A good life rule in general, methinks.
C: ZOMBIE BRIDE
C: AND ZOMBIE STRIPPER. Gets me every time.
C: AND ZOMBIE FATHER-SON THREE LEGGED RACES. I love these opening creds.
LJ: I could do with a little less blood vomit
LJ: But yes, it’s a good sequence
C: Poor, meek Jesse Eisenberg being all by his lonesome.
LJ: OH NO RUUUUUN
C: At least he’s got this cardio thing down.
LJ: GAS STATION ZOMBIES
C: Way too much gross about that.
LJ: They are so loud, geez
C: BACKSEAT ZOMBIE NOOOOO
LJ: Hahahahahe turns the windshield wipers on
C: I mean, whatever you’ve gotta do. Haha.
LJ: This was one of his first movies, yes?
C: Yeah I think so!
LJ: OMG TALLASSEE
LJ: ALSO DON’T KNOW HOW TO SPELL THAT
C: SO MUCH WINNING
C: And it’s okay—autocorrect will help.
LJ: Yaaaaaas Woody Harrelson sawed off shotgun
LJ: Okay his rolling suitcase is hilarious
C: Bahaha. He is overly prepared.
C: “You almost knocked over your alcohol with your knife.” He said in the car. Hahahaha.
LJ: lol you almost knocked over your alcohol with your knife
C: THE SAME
LJ: Aaaaaand Hostess truck!!
LJ: Lol and Jesse limbers up
C: Oh Columbus. Stop. Bless your heart, stop.
C: Snowballs nooooo!
LJ: sNO balls
C: HA. Oh you clever thing you.
LJ: Hahaha “I hate coconut. Not the taste, the consistency.”
C: He knows what he likes.
C: Fears: department store Santa and being alone with babies. Hahahahaha.
LJ: Ps his apartment is AMAZING for a supposed college student
LJ: Or maybe I’ve just been in New York too long
C: Bahaha. No it’s pretty huge.
LJ: OH NO DON’T LET HER IN
C: Yeah this was his first mistake. But how could he know?!
LJ: Lol he pours her code red Mountain Dew into a mug
C: Very smooth, Columbus.
LJ: Do they even make that stuff anymore??
C: Y’know I’m not sure…
LJ: Also he offered her Golden Grahams…
C: All class.
LJ: Gentlemen: always offer her Golden Grahams
LJ: “Do you mind if I just close my eyes for a minute?” WHY YES, YOU GO HOME NOW.
C: Okay, Columbus is sweet and all, but why does homegirl just sleep on him?
LJ: OH GOD ZOMBIE GIRL
LJ: I just jumped. I’ll be honest.
LJ: I’m a [insert chicken emoji]
C: Hahaha. It’s okay, sis.
LJ: EW OH GOD HE BREAKS HER LEG
LJ: That might be the most disturbing thing in this whole movie
C: I CAN’T. I hate when bones break skin.
LJ: Ew nope it’s the tongue through the shower curtain
C: Ewwww but dragging that broken foot though…
LJ: Nope. Nope nope nope nope.
C: Back to Tallahassee. Thank God.
LJ: “There are no penguins in the North Pole.”
C: “You wanna feel how hard I can punch?” Hahahaha.
C: Zombie eating man is “enjoying her manwich” according to Tallahassee. EVERYTHING HE SAYS IS GOLD.
C: “Time to nut up or shut up.” Biggest takeaway from this movie.
LJ: NNNOOO NOT THE BANJO
C: Dueling Banjos right before zombie attack. Amazing.
LJ: “You gotta purty mouth” is a good way to kill a zombie
C: He truly is a master. If I could compile a master zombie killing team, Tallahassee would be captain.
LJ: And Emma Stone, ladies and gents!
C: Yaaasss Emma Stone! And teenage Abigail Breslin (which still freaks me out)!
LJ: Emma Stone’s makeup game is on fleek
C: Oh God. Please don’t use “fleek.” I will lose all respect for you.
LJ: Also this is a REALLY big gamble for them to take, giving a stranger a gun to kill one of them
C: Well yeah we all know how this works out…hindsight.
LJ: It’s funny to see Emma Stone with dark hair too
C: Yeah I don’t think she’s had hair this dark since this movie actually…
LJ: What is Abigail Breslin doing these days??
C: She’s gonna be on Scream Queens! (Sidenote: You can read about Scream Queens here.)
C: Ugh. Of course they find an empty Hummer.
LJ: Sorry Cara beara
C: I mean, I realize it would probably be a perfect vehicle for the zombocalypse…but still.
LJ: My only concern in such a situation is getting across the George Washington Bridge
C: OMG TALLAHASSEE AND THE PUPPEH
C: “Enjoy the little things.” Amen, buddy.
LJ: Yes indeed
LJ: And abandoned suv
C: Duped by the sisters again!
C: “DON’T KILL ME WITH MY OWN GUN!” Hahaha.
LJ: Hahahaha Emma Stone just says “bummer”
LJ: “I was engaged once…but I’m single now!” –awkward gas station attendant
C: Omg SO awkward. He makes Columbus look like James Bond.
LJ: GET IT COLUMBUS
LJ: YOU TELL THEM WHAT FOR
LJ: ERREBODY PUT YO GUNS AWAY
C: I love that “playing I Spy like four normal ass Americans” is a thing.
LJ: I also love the relationship btwn Tallahassee and Little Rock
C: Aww poor Columbus. He just found out his hometown is gonezo. 😥
LJ: Oh no! Columbus, OH is gone 😥
LJ: Hopefully all the zombies bypassed Evansville (sidenote: our hometown) and went there instead
C: HA! God let’s hope.
C: Hell though, I feel like the zombie apocalypse would START here.
C: Oh yeah! Columbus chooses a chance at lurrrrve over going his own way!
LJ: And weird tourist roadside stop
C: Yeah pretty random…
LJ: LOL. Sister Cynthia Knickerbocker’s zombie kill of the week
C: I love that zombie kill of the week goes to a nun who uses a piano like Wiley freaking Coyote.
LJ: HA!! Columbus sprays Tallahassee with perfume
C: LOL. The look on Tallahasse’s face…Perfect.
LJ: “I’ve beat wholesale ass for a lot less than that. You get 45% power.”
C: Hahaha right? I love it.
C: And now we’re just gonna break sh*t.
LJ: I imagine this would have been really fun to film but it just gives me anxiety
LJ: PUT THE SIMILARLY COLORED BEADS BACK IN THEIR CATEGORIES
C: HA. Omigosh. You’re silly.
LJ: HA! They’re listening to Wicked
C: HA. With Little Rock and Tallahassee discussing Hannah Montana.
C: Omigosh. I just got so excited for the upcoming GREATEST CAMEO OF ALL TIME.
LJ: ITS ABOUT TO HAPPEN
C: And what a house!!
LJ: Lol. “Who’s the big BM?” “It ain’t Bob Marley.”
LJ: LA MANSION DE MURRAY
C: AND LITTLE ROCK DOESN’T KNOW WHO HE IS
LJ: And there’s Bill Murray’s baby grand piano! And his movie theater!
LJ: And his 4 poster canopy bed!
LJ: GHOSTBUSTERS AHHH
C: THE BEST
LJ: This baroque freaking house is insane
C: Uh oh! Someone’s sneaking around…
C: BILL MURRAY ISN’T A ZOMBIE! HUZZAH!
LJ: Even with the zombie makeup he looks so young haha
C: HA. Emma Stone as the Ghostbusters secretary.
LJ: Oh Columbus grilling Little Rock about Wichita
C: He tries.
C: OH NO
C: MURRAY DOWN
LJ: THEY MESSED UP HIS SWEATER VEST
LJ: “Do you have any regrets?”
C: “Garfield, maybe.” LOL.
C: Even his death is hilarious. Kudos, Bill Murray.
LJ: Squatting in Billy Murray’s house is not the worst way to spend the end of the world.
C: Omg! Jesse Eisenberg mocks FB status updates prior to doing the Social Network. Perfect.
LJ: Oh, Tallahassee, Buck wasn’t a dog!!!
C: OMG TALLAHASSEE LOST A KID
C: SH*T JUST GOT REAL SAD
LJ: (But who names a kid Buck let’s be real)
C: “I haven’t cried like that since Titanic.” *wipes tears with $100 bills*
C: And Tallahassee and Little Rock bonding over shooting things.
LJ: And Wichita finds the wine
LJ: My kinda gal
C: She knows how to zombie apocalypse.
LJ: And then they bonded about 1997
LJ: “Sadie Hawkins, girls’ choice.”
LJ: “What, nobody picked you?”
LJ: “…it was girls’ choice.”
C: Poor, sweet Columbus!
LJ: Jesse Eisenberg is super cute
LJ: Omg she thinks so too!!
C: Too bad he only gets to play incredibly awkward people or a-holes.
LJ: And Tallahassee totally ruins the mood with a homemade fort
C: And now the sisters are bailing!!!
LJ: Here we go again
C: Ladies, come on. You’re smarter than this.
LJ: Don’t go to the theme park, girls. It’s a terrible idea.
C: Oh Wichita. Ohhhh why did you turn the power on??
LJ: Oh no, lights on in the theme park!
C: The worst idea in the history of the worst ideas.
LJ: Ahhhh ERREBODY RUN
C: WAY TOO MANY THEME PARK ZOMBIES
LJ: Apparently when the world ended everyone thought it was time to go to theme parks
C: Tallahassee says, “That’ll do, pig,” for goodbye. The best.
LJ: Aw, Tallahassee. Ya big sweetheart.
C: Of course he can’t leave behind defenseless Columbus.
LJ: Stuck on a ride surrounded by zombies
LJ: Nope nope nope
LJ: Oh no!! Tallahassee!! Don’t be a hero!!
C: Oh he can handle it. He was born for this.
LJ: Hanging off the side of a tilt a whirl with a machine gun, woo!
LJ: Nonono not into the haunted house!
C: RIGHT? Terrible idea.
LJ: Also these zombies are quite athletic
LJ: Climbing up the side of the ride?
LJ: I am an able bodied human and I’m not sure I could do that
C: They really are. I would not survive these zombies. I could only survive, like, Night of the Living Dead zombies.
LJ: Yeah I need em slow and stupid
C: Tallahassee’s last stand in the prize thing!
LJ: Tallahassee’s last stand in a snakeskin shirt
C: HA. I would expect no less.
LJ: WHAT IS THAT JACKET
LJ: In what world was snakeskin fashionable
C: OH HELL NO CLOWN ZOMBIE
LJ: Ew ew eww
LJ: The slobber is killing me
C: It’s like gore slobber. So much ew.
C: But it’s okay! Because Columbus saves the day!
LJ: And they are finally off the ride!!
C: And Wichita’s name is Krista!
LJ: Woooooooo! Way to get the girl, Columbus!
C: Get it boyyyyy
C: “Where are ya, ya spongy yellow delicious bastards?!” Hahahaha.
LJ: Rats!!! Noooooo
LJ: Worse than zombies
C: RUINED TWINKIES
C: ALSO WORSE THAN ZOMBIES
C: Oh my God Little Rock throws Tallahassee a Twinkie and HIS FACE.
LJ: Oh thank god they finally acknowledged the snakeskin jacket
LJ: They are clearly BFFs
LJ: Omg 406 was Amber Heard?!
C: THAT’S who that is.
LJ: Isn’t she married to Johnny Depp now?!
C: Yeah or something. I don’t know. She’s weird. And not a great actress. Haha.
LJ: I’ve never met an Amber that I liked.
C: LOL. Aw I know a few!
C: But this is beside the point. Point is: yaaaayyyy Zombieland!!!!
LJ: Yes, we did it! Hooray!!
LJ: Next is [insert another zom-com]?
What IS our next zombie comedy?! You’ll just have to wait and see! More Shenanigans to come! Also, I’m gonna try to make up for my lack of Spook Series stuff with a double post next week and HOPEFULLY a little something covering all those premieres I’ve yet to discuss…We’ll see. I shouldn’t over commit. Lol. Have an excellent weekend! Enjoy it before this happens…