Schuster Sister Shenanigans: Finding Nemo

My sister/partner-in-crime, Laura Jo, and I have texted about three epic trilogies: Star Wars, Jurassic Park, and Indiana Jones. What could possibly come next?! Well, we’ve decided to take on a juggernaut—a production company we can only chip away at little by little because there are so very many movies in its wheelhouse. That’s right. We’re taking on freaking Disney.

An endeavor this massive will take time, but we have a strategy: take on three, step away and do something else, then take on three more. If every other round of Shenanigans is Disney rather than every round, surely that daunting Mickey Mouse won’t beat us…right? Guys…RIGHT?? Well, I guess we’ll find out. Anyway, we’re starting with three of our favorite Pixar films. Let’s kick it off with Finding Nemo!

Laura Jo: GO FISH

Cara: PLAY HAS BEEN PRESSED

C: MAGICAL CASTLE

LJ: Adorable lamp!

C: You squish that “I,” you cute little thing.

LJ: Ocean!!!!

C: And sweet little clownfish!

LJ: It’s a whole adorable fish community!

C: Only a Disney fish community could be so adorable.

LJ: Ew fish eggs

LJ: Even in Pixar they’re gross

C: Yeah they tried…

LJ: OHNO

LJ: EEL

C: WHY DISNEY WHY

LJ: CORAL HAD TO BE THE HERO

C: WHAT DOES DISNEY HAVE AGAINST WHOLE FAMILIES FOR CHRIST SAKE???

LJ: Orphan movies are part of their business plan

C: Gasp! More tropes!

LJ: Oh yes

LJ: EW FISH EGG STILL GROSS

LJ: Oh Nemo you’re so cute!

C: PRESH! So much cuter than he was as an egg.

LJ: THE LUCKY FIN

LJ: Love.

C: Precious…but more disadvantages for a Disney kid.

C: #disneyhateschildren

LJ: I mean, Belle, Ariel, and Jasmine only have fathers

LJ: Elsa and Anna are organs

LJ: **orphans

LJ: Yikes autocorrect

C: But they DO have organs, to be fair. You tried, iPhone.

LJ: Aw clownfish! Tell us a joke!

C: Oh, Marlin. Least funny clownfish ever.

C: SPONGE BATH TUMBLE. LOL.

LJ: OMG LITTLE SQUID

C: Pigtails lookin presh

LJ: I must say that is one friendly manta ray

C: Totes. Real life manta rays kind of terrify me…

LJ: Aw Marlin is having separation issues

C: Extreme separation issues. But I guess you kinda can’t blame him.

LJ: Oooo pretty ocean stuff

C: Very pretty, yes. Pixar pulled out all the stops for this one.

LJ: AW, YOU GUYS MADE ME INK

C: Adorable.

LJ: Wow, that’s a pretty big butt. HA

C: Butt jokes. The kids love ‘em.

C: #holdontoyourbutts

LJ: Woah Nemo! He said I Hate You!

C: Angst!!

LJ: Okay yeah but now he’s just being dumb

LJ: DO NOT SWIM TO THE BOAT

C: Yeah bad idea, kiddo.

LJ: Ha! …he touched the butt.

LJ: OMG DIVER

C: AHHHH TERRIFYING

C: LEAVE THE FISH ALONE YOU GOLIATH

LJ: And that, children, is why you listen to your parents

C: Srsly. It’s like Taken but with fish. And without the whole being sold into prostitution thing.

LJ: HA!

LJ: Poor Marlin. OMG Dory!!

C: DORYYYY!!!

LJ: Ellen is perfection as this fish

C: Omg right? How did she not get roped into more voice work after this?

LJ: SHARK

LJ: OH GOD

C: Eeeeek those teefs!!!!

LJ: BRUCE THE AUSSIE SHARK

C: FISH ON THE BARBIE!!!!

LJ: Hahaha fish are friends, not food

C: Here’s my question: what would they eat instead?

LJ: I have no idea.

C: Nice try though, Disney.

LJ: Oh no sharks, don’t make Marlin tell a joke again!!

C: He tries, bless him.

LJ: Hahahaha Bruce the Shark is getting emotional

C: RUH ROH

LJ: BRUCE DUDE STAY COOL

C: Nope. Homeshark’s gonezo.

C: AHHH THE SHINING REFERENCE

LJ: Gasp!! Dory can read human!!

LJ: Omg!!! That’s a bomb!!!!

C: SWIM AWAY

LJ: Ha!!! Judgmental pelican!

C: LOL. Massive explosion becomes pelican fart joke.

C: Poor, confused Nemo!

LJ: Ugh no dentist, you did not save Nemo, you presumptuous thing

C: Damn humans.

LJ: Ha! Jacques, you weirdo

C: Oh Jacques is not the only weirdo in this bunch…

LJ: OH GOD

LJ: THE DENTAL PROCEDURES

LJ: UGH

C: YEAH NO THNX

C: Aw love the kind Aussie pelican!

LJ: What a sweetheart

LJ: Oh god

LJ: Darla

C: I bet she’s related to Sid from Toy Story.

C: Psycho kids! #disneytropes

LJ: Omg!!! Yes!!

LJ: All the Pixar worlds are related!

C: Totes. Also, WILLEM DAFOE FISH FTW.

LJ: Hahahahahaha

LJ: Gill from the ocean…he’s so dramatic

C: Hahahaha

LJ: Ha! Sleeping Dory just said “Yes I’m a natural blue”

C: My favorite was “The sea monkey has my money.”

LJ: HA! Yes!

LJ: Just keep swimming! Just keep swimming! Go find the mask guys!

C: Just keep swimming!!! The song of, like, my middle school class.

LJ: Guys don’t go toward the light!!!

LJ: AHHHHHHHHH

C: OH HELL THE TEETH

LJ: HOLY ANGLER FISH

C: Seriously, the deep sea is the most terrifying place ever.

LJ: CONVINCED THE OCEAN IS THE MOST TERRIFYING PLACE ON EARTH

LJ: Ha we’re the same

C: JINX JOKE

LJ: YOU OWE ME A COKE

C: Gasp! Dory remembers something!

LJ: The plot thickens

LJ: Meanwhile, back in the fish tank…

C: Lol! Jacques is a creeper.

LJ: Yes, yes he is

LJ: Also Nemo has stumbled upon some kind of fish cult

C: Ha ooh ah he ha ho ho ho

LJ: Hahahaha

LJ: I keep waiting for them to go into oogachakaooogaooogaooogachaka

C: HA! Hooked On a Feeling would have double meaning here!

LJ: LOL

LJ: And now he’s Sharkbait haha

C: Sharkbait ooh ha ha!!!

LJ: Oh wow Gill has this escape plan down pat!

C: Fishion Impossible

LJ: LOLOL

LJ: Flyfall

C: LOL

LJ: Oh no Marlin!! Don’t break up with Dory!

C: John Ratzenberger fish! He’s in every Pixar movie!

LJ: Ratzenberger is in every Pixar movie? That’s awesome!

C: I think so! He’s the Abominable Snowman in Monsters, bad guy at the end of The Incredibles…I’m drawing a blank, but he’s all over.

Oh, Ratzenberger. You’ve done ALL the Pixar movies, you strumpet.

LJ: Is he Slinky in Toy Story?

C: No he’s not Slinky but he is a regular…

LJ: No Marlin! Just go through the trench!

C: Should have listened to Dory, bro.

C: “And he shall be my squishy.” Lol.

LJ: OHNO! Jellyfishacolypse!

C: AHHHH

LJ: Hahah “we’re cheating death now, but we’re having fun at the same time”

C: HAMM. John Ratzenberger is Hamm in Toy Story. Sorry—that was bugging me. Lol.

LJ: Aaaaaahhh yes, that’s it

C: LOL. Exactly.

LJ: Oh no Dory!!!!

LJ: She got jellyfished

C: Ahhhh Marlin don’t fall askeeeeep!

LJ: Or asleep eother!!

C: ARGH

LJ: Hahahaha

LJ: “All drains lead to the ocean”

LJ: That’s depressing

C: And really disgusting

C: “It’ll be a piece of kelp.” Oh you clever writers.

LJ: Go Sharkbait go! Stop that fan!

C: OH NO FAN IS BACK ON

LJ: AHH

LJ: Ugh what tension

LJ: Poor Nemo

C: :(((

LJ: SEA TURTLES

C: OH HELL YES

C: California surfer accent for sea turtle = perfection

LJ: Absolutely

LJ: The east Australian current!! They did it!!

C: GRAB SHELL DUDE

LJ: Hahaha amazing

C: Aw poor scratched up Dory!

LJ: But hide and seek, surprise!!

C: And BABY TURTLES

LJ: OMG TURTLE FAMILY

LJ: Jelly man hahahahah

C: Turtle scene wins on so many levels

LJ: I want a baby turtle

C: I bet stranger things have been on a leash in Central Park.

LJ: 100% yes

LJ: Hahaha the swordfish

C: BOSTON LOBSTERS. LOL.

LJ: Word travels across the ocean!

C: Srsly.

LJ: SEAGULLS

C: OMG THE BEST

LJ: SO. TRUE.

LJ: They got that one right.

C: Poor depressed Nemo! Poor depressed Gill!

LJ: Aw, Gill feels remorse

LJ: …but he’s right, he totally put a child in danger

C: Yeah…

LJ: Marlin is a legend!!!

LJ: Omg I’m going to cry

C: Ahhh don’t cry!!! This isn’t Up!!!

LJ: I’m okay now, the moment passed

LJ: Omg Nemo crushed it!! Filter down!!

C: Mission Dirty Tank is a GO.

C: Aw Squirt you tell how to exit!!

LJ: He is SO cute

C: For reals

LJ: I don’t want the turtles to leeeeeave

LJ: Crush the turtle is 150!

C: Maybe they’ll be in Finding Dory!

LJ: Oh yeah! I forgot about that

C: Something to look forward to next year!

Coming next year…

LJ: Next year we will have time for nothing but movies

LJ: Uh oh mysterious fish

LJ: WHALE!

C: Dory speaking whale ftw

LJ: Ha!!! …“you’re speaking, like, upset stomach”

C: Bahaha

C: Lol! The krill! “Swim away!!”

LJ: Swallowed by a whale! #disneytropes

C: Oh gees I guess so. This and Pinocchio, right?

LJ: Aaand the dentist wipes the fish tank gunk on his patient

LJ: COME ON MAN

LJ: THAT’S GROSS

C: Just kinda…

C: Whale teeth are the strangest teeth.

LJ: Broom bristle teeth

LJ: Marlin has just zero faith in Dory

LJ: Aw no he’s giving up!

C: Nooo Marlin dooooon’t!!!

C: Ahhhhh hang on to the tongue bumps, guys!!!

LJ: Also gross

C: Hahahaha

The same, grossed-out face most of us would make while clinging to a whale’s tongue bump.

LJ: Omg they trust the whale!!

LJ: …and out the spout!

C: Whale spout magic!!!

C: And the search is renewed with vigor!

LJ: Oh no!! New tank cleaner!

C: Say it ain’t so!

C: OH GOD SWIM DOWN GUYS

LJ: Oh no plastic bag!!!

LJ: OMG DARLA

C: OH SHIT

LJ: SHES TERRIFYING

C: PSYCHO MUSIC PLAYS AND EVERYTHING

LJ: IT’S THE HEADGEAR/PIGTAIL COMBO

LJ: And then somehow the choking pelican is hilarious

C: Haha only Disney.

LJ: SEAGULLS

C: SEAGULLS RETURN

LJ: AHHHH

C: Mine?

LJ: Hahahaha hop inside my mouth if you want to live

C: Lol

C: Seagull chase scene!

LJ: AHHHH DARLA STAHP

C: Notice they made her a ginger…

C: #racism

LJ: Go Nigel go!!!!

C: Poor terrified kid in the waiting room.

LJ: Yeah for real

LJ: Nemo down the drain!

LJ: Way to go Gill!

C: Gill gets to be the hero!!

LJ: That tortured angelfish finally did something right

C: Aw Marlin noooo! Nemo’s alive!

LJ: Oh Marlin!! Waaaait!

LJ: I look at you and I’m home! Oh Dory!!! Sniffle

C: UGH. Don’t leave her behind, Marlin!!!

LJ: Omg Nemo is back!!

C: Nemo and Dory unite!!!

LJ: DORY REMEMBERS

LJ: And she just kicked a crab’s ass hahaha

C: LOL. Crab interrogation scene.

LJ: They found each other again!!!

C: MARLIN AND NEMO REUNITED

LJ: Oh no more fishermen!

C: …only to get caught in a big ass net. Dammit, Disney!!!

LJ: Save Dory!!

C: SWIM DOWN TOU UGLY GRAY FISH

LJ: SWIM DOWN FOOLS

LJ: JUST KEEP SWIMMING

C: AND THEY BROKE THE BOAT

LJ: Ugh emotions

C: Tender father-son moment. HEART BURSTS.

C: Back in the adorable neighborhood!

LJ: Marlin finally remembered his joke!!

C: Thank God. And Squirt and Bruce return!!

LJ: And I guess Dory forgave Bruce for his violent bloodlust?

C: She’s very, very forgiving.

LJ: …and forgetful

LJ: Haha

C: Ahhhh! Tank fish escape!

LJ: Amazing

C: Aww yay!!! Such a good one.

LJ: Bro turtles FTW

C: And so we complete Various Pixar Favorites, Round 1!

LJ: Go us!

C: Agreed. I’m already excited for what’s up next.

LJ: Me too! …there will be tears

C: God yes.

C: But also so much joy.

LJ: Yes

LJ: Much emotion will be had

C: PIXAR MAKES YOU FEEL ALL THE FEELINGS.

LJ: Yes, yes they do

LJ: WHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE

C: Gods of animation. They are drunk with power.

LJ: Have mercy on us

Pixar: making the world an emotional wreck since 1995

So there we go! Round one goes to the Schuster Sisters! But the victor remains to be seen. Will we beat Disney…or will Disney beat us?? *cue dramatic DUH DUH DUHHHH* Stay tuned to find out! 😉