NOOOOvember 2014: The Sporadic Chronicles of a Beginner Blogger

godzilla no 2

It’s always disappointing to have to suffer through another Monday, huh? Here’s the bright side: I’ve got some NOOOOvember disappointments for you here that I think most of us can agree on and vent about together. This list is comin’ atcha from the lovely and wonderful Miss Zoë from The Sporadic Chronicles of a Beginner Blogger. She gave this post a good long think and came up with 10 pretty spot-on letdowns. Take it away, lady!

Ten Noooovember-worthy Disappointments

Cara announced Noooovember forever ago, and I have really wanted to get involved with this since the last one. When I saw she was doing it again, naturally I was all aboard. However, picking the disappointing movie seemed to be where the biggest issue came into play, so my colleagues and I all got involved in listing movies, debating about them, seeing which ones were better than others, and which ones were worse. We had a huge list by the end of it, but we weren’t done yet. We had to whittle this down… but how?! However, soon we hit a place where there were just too many offensive movies that have monumentally let us down, which gave rise a top ten list. Yep, that happened. Anyway, we further compiled it with a rating system out of ten as to how bad the kick in the teeth experienced was when watching the films – obviously the higher it is the more annoying and disappointing it was.

Godzilla (2014)

godzilla poster
Decreed Offensive Because:
Where was the Big G? The trailers lied.
Redeeming Quality:
When Godzilla was on screen (however briefly), he was extremely impressive.
Office Offense Level:

Transcendence (2014)

transcendence poster

Decreed Offensive Because: What a waste of a great cast and a relatively interesting concept. Not like we were expecting awesomeness, but really, this was waaaaaay worse than any of us suspected! Also, where the hell was the return to form for Johnny Depp? He ran around like a drunken pirate with a science degree. -_-
Redeeming Quality:
Seeing Paul Bettany, Cillian Murphy and Morgan Freeman together was great, even though it fell flat. Completely. Will Caster’s ambiguity being abandoned by the end.  
Office Offense Level:

Divergent (2014)

divergent poster

Decreed Offensive Because: What a total desecration of the book, how embarrassingly cringe-worthy, what a waste of a concept. And that soundtrack…?! Good money was spent to be tortured like that.
Redeeming Quality:
Theo James as Four.
Office Offense Level:

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)

indiana jones and the kingdom of the crystal skull
Decreed Offensive Because:
Because the Indiana Jones trilogy so did not need to become a quadrilogy, and it was just awkward. Too much CGI, too much bad cheese and a sketchy plot.
Redeeming Quality:
Marion Ravenwood and Indiana Jones kicking it together again. Hell yeah! The world is right in that respect, at least.
Office Offense Level:

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

a nightmare on elm street 2010 poster
Decreed Offensive Because:
Could anyone desecrate a remake any more than they did with this? I mean in all seriousness? It was ridiculous, they changed Freddy so much, and not in a good way. It took itself way too seriously, too, which hurt it even more.
Redeeming Quality:
Nothing. Zip. Nada.
Office Offense Level: 10/10

The Wolverine (2013)

the wolverine movie poster

Decreed Offensive Because: They somehow managed to make a balls up with this… The story was terrible, the acting was also pretty questionable, it was exceptionally bland, frustrating, and silly to boot.
Redeeming Quality:
Seeing the Wolverine with bone claws again. Yes, that whole end was dreadful and stupid and questionable to say the least, but those bone claws are just brutal.
Office Offense Level:

Elysium (2014)

elysium poster
Decreed Offensive Because:
As a South African, Kruger offended the hell out of me. Worse than that, Copley made us all look like idiots that are incapable of speaking English properly. Besides the mess that was Kruger, the concept was fine but went awry, the supporting cast was humiliating and underused… it was just not cool.
Redeeming Quality:
Matt Damon. Because he rocks. Does not mean he can get me to watch it again though.
Office Offense Level:

Prometheus (2012)

promethues poster

Decreed Offensive Because: That trailer was awesome. Then we got a wasted movie with a solid cast. What a pity, too. Luckily we missed a lot of the hype for this, so I didn’t go in with many expectations, but after having friends rave about it, I expected a lot more bang than I got. Also, Charlize Theron. That is all.
Redeeming Quality:
The effects were remarkable and the cast carried themselves solidly with what they were given.
Office Offense Level:

Dark Shadows (2012)

dark shadows movie poster

Decreed Offensive Because: Burton was bringing a new film, we were hoping for a return to form. The movie started off just fine, and soon veered off into some really sketchy territory, leaving a bad taste in the mouth over a concept so wasted.  
Redeeming Quality:
The movie had a really strong cast and a pretty good soundtrack. Opening with Nights in White Satin was amazing.
Office Offense Level: 6/10

Only God Forgives (2013)

only god forgives movie poster

Decreed Offensive Because: After Drive, I was expecting something great. Not for Drive to be recreated or anything like that, just thought that Gosling and Refn teaming up again could only be good news. Instead, we basically got a silent movie with stilted and crude dialogue, substandard acting and a huge disappointment all round.
Redeeming Quality:
The movie was shot beautifully, but that really means nothing in the bigger scheme of things.
Office Offense Level:

Anyway, now that that is all out of the way, thanks for having me lady, this is an awesome series and we had a load of fun with it J Looking forward to seeing what the rest of Noooovember brings!

Brilliant list, lady! I love that the whole office was brought in for this. I feel like it makes the disappointments even more legitimately disappointing if the whole office is raging. Hahaha. More disappointments soon, but tomorrow I actually need some opinions on something…but you’ll see. 🙂

42 thoughts on “NOOOOvember 2014: The Sporadic Chronicles of a Beginner Blogger

  1. HAHAHA!!! Great list, JB!! I’ve seen most of these and would agree with you on all of them that I’ve seen. You know I don’t hate that remake as much as you HAHAHAHAHAHA

    Cara – I LOVE how Only God Forgives has been on here twice : ) : ) : )

  2. Great list! but i do have to say that Prometheus was a GREAT movie! I do think that you have to be a science geek (like me) and a fan of Alien to really understand it but besides that it was amazing! anything in particular you didn’t like about it?

    • Thank you!

      Oh, I thoroughly enjoy Alien and science and all that… I just thought the plot holes were unforgivable, and the pacing was a bit off, too. At the rate everyone was going on about it, and that trailer, I was hoping for some more. It is on my rewatch list because I am having an Alien run again sometime soon – maybe with the other so fresh and watching everything directly after each other it will be better…

  3. Everyday I pretend that Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull didn’t happen…that’s how I cope with that crap film! 😉

    Great choices here. Divergent…don’t get me started on that film lol

  4. Yup, this is a list I can really get behind (save for Godzilla, I loved that thing. I can see where thats a case of a misleading trailer/marketing campaign, though. I saw it as a modern-day Jaws, with the way the beast is presented and all the he-said, she-said drama building up to the big reveal. Understandably, this tactic didn’t work for everyone in 2014.)

    I think the one I agree with close to 100% is Transcendence. That was a sorry film indeed. Wow. So much promise, and if you take a look at the names on that poster, its a real head-scratcher indeed.

    • 🙂 Yay! Glad to hear that. Well… meh. I am glad that you liked it – but there was such false advertising behind it, a lot of wasted potential, etc (for me, that is). And I was so excited for it 😦 : (

      Transcendence was AWFUL. I was really not expecting a classic or anything, but I really didn’t think it was going to be that bad and then some. What a waste of my time – I will never get it back. Watching it, I almost had kittens about the psychology and the brain stuff (it’s what I’m studying), the IT and technology drove my other half insane (I am sure you can guess what he does). Uh uh, super flawed, no two ways about it! And such a great cast…

      • Yeah I think the point you made about the fact Cillian Murphy, Morgan Freeman, and Paul Bettany were all on screen together but it fell so flat was the part I agree he most with. This pained me to no end. I see a couple razzie awards coming up for Pfister and co.

  5. Gottta disagree (again) with Elysium, but probably see your point about Kruegar – even if he MADE that movie for me. Yiou really didnt like The Wolverine??? But yes on all counts with Prometheus…such a let down, and ditto for Only God Forgives…beautiful to look at, but that’s it. Godzilla wasn’t that bad, but killing Brian Cranston off was a big mistake. Some great monster whoop-ass though at the end.

    • It seemed that most people overseas liked him, while here at home we all just cringed. It was seriously embarrassing (Kruger). I really didn’t (The Wolverine). I was so over the moon excited for it, then lots happened and I couldn’t see it in theatre. When I finally got to it I was so happy, then it was what it was. I was let down. I expected more.

      YUCK – Only God Forgives was probably one of the worst let-downs I have experienced in my life. Yeah, Godzilla was totally marketed in a way that got us amped for something it wasn’t. It was NOT the Bryan Cranston-centric film we were expecting, the awesome only came along in the last few minutes, and it carried on for an age. Way too long for what it was.

  6. Awesome list. A part of me still believes I am going to send you a post for this but I think that part of me might be delusional!

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