Hello!! Look who’s back to seduce and destroy Silver Screen Serenade???!!????!!!! That’s right!! Today I take pen in hand to dive – but not DRIVE – into a pitiful film from the makers of DRIVE that promised us SO MUCH and delivered JACK SHIT – that’s right, for Mistress Cara’s NOOOOvember, I present to you the LOUSY, that’s right, I used the word lousy, ONLY GOD FORGIVES.
I know I wrote about this for one of our Shitfests that we had – you could see it HERE – but I figured it was time to revisit this pitiful, stinking bile in case this started popping up on your cable channels now that it’s time for syndication and shit.
After these guys got together and made the fantastic DRIVE, they hooked up again and put together this. The commercials made it look a lot like DRIVE and a bunch of us ran around like horny Frenchmen when it actually came out and then we all sat there for what seemed like eight hours watching Ryan Gosling stare into space. Occasionally someone said something and when they did it didn’t mean anything and some guy does karaoke and someone cuts off some hands and then there’s this (and our IPC artistic rendering of it).
Then Gosling’s character’s mom rolls into town and they go to dinner and – of all things – she talks about how epic her son’s pee-pee was (not Gosling, his dead brother)…
And then someone gets killed and Gosling puts his hands in their guts and I got distracted when I was googling images for this and saw what’s her face’s apples:
I hated this movie so much I can’t even believe it. I mean for real – it’s two hours of this:
Well – there’s that. Thank you, Mistress Cara for letting me out of my hole for a few minutes! It obeys and will return to it’s home now.