Schuster Sister Shenanigans: Stars Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

star wars empire strikes back

My sister and I had so much fun texting about Star Wars last time that we HAD to make it happen again. We started with Episode IV: A New Hope, so it’s only natural that we keep going with Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back. For your reading enjoyment, I give you another installment of our movie-watching shenanigans.

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Laura Jo: OMG THE BEST SEQUEL OF ALL TIME!!

Cara: I CAN’T WAIT!!!!

LJ: Ahhhhhhh EPISODE V FTW

C: THE MUSIC!!!! IT ALWAYS WINS!!!!

LJ: It makes me wish I played the trumpet

LJ: Like some NERD

C: HA! Why didn’t we take up brass dammit???

LJ: Ooooo ice planet ice planet!

C: Would never live there. EVER. It basically was the Midwest this winter.

LJ: NYC too. NOT IMPRESSED, HOTH

C: What are these kangaroo dinosaurs they ride called??

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LJ: Banthas? (Not correct, but don’t worry—we fix it later.)

LJ: WAAAHH OMG ICE MONSTER ALIEN BEAR

C: Pooooooor bantha. 😦

C: And Luke, too, I guess.

LJ: Yeah that sucks

LJ: NO HAN DON’T LEAVE

LJ: OH HAN I WANT YOU TO STAY BECAUSE OF THE WAY I FEEL ABOUT YOU

C: Hahahaha. If Laura Jo were Leia, it’d be a very different movie…

LJ: Whoops, they’re tom-toms (I Googled this. Apparently they’re called “tauntauns.” Oops.)

LJ: Not banthas. Those were on the desert planet

C: Aww tom-toms is a much cuter name for kangaroo dinos!

LJ: Or maybe ton-ton? I don’t know, the rebels can’t enunciate (EXACTLY.)

C: Luke is always getting captured by creatures. C’mon bro!

LJ: THERE WENT THAT ARM

C: AND ARMS ARE ALWAYS GETTING LOPPED OFF, TOO. THIS IS A RECURRING THEME.

LJ: True!

LJ: Oh no Luke is lost in the blizzard he wandered off into!

C: Luuuuuke! You need some cocoa, dude!

LJ: Oh no they made Chewie cry!

C: Nothing more soul-wrenching than a wookie sob.

LJ: Han Solo with a lightsaber. YES.

LJ: That’s right everyone, into the dead animal!

C: YUM!

LJ: Also how is Luke suddenly the Commander?

C: Right? I guess when you blow up the Death Star you get a huge promotion?

LJ: WOAH GIANT MAN DIAPER TANK

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C: All the rage in the galaxies far, far away.

LJ: WHO’S SCRUFFY-LOOKIN

C: Hahahaha.

C: EWWW INCEST STAAAAHP

LJ: TECHNICALLY RIGHT NOW ITS AN ACCIDENT

LJ: …THE MORE YOU KNOW

LJ: Uh oh there went the imperial probe droid

LJ: Vader how do you knowwwwww

C: The power of the dark side, dude. The power of the dark side.

C: WOOKIE HUG

LJ: I WANT

LJ: Here come the star destroyers! …there goes the neighborhood

C: The godforsaken ice planet neighborhood. Not a huge loss to anyone but the poor tom-toms.

LJ: Vader just killed that guy via TV screen! Bringing back terrifying memories of The Ring.

C: HA. Seven days…

LJ: Stahp!

C: Personally, I would much rather be choked out by Vader than assaulted by that scary chick.

LJ: Imperial walkers!! Big angry metal camels!

C: Exactly!! Seems very unwieldy…

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LJ: Noooo Dack!

LJ: …Daq?

LJ: …Dax?

C: Dak? Dac?

LJ: …yes.

LJ: BOOM GOES THE ANGRY CAMEL

LJ: Aw R2 and C3PO say goodbye

C: Brobots 4 life.

LJ: Hahahahahahaha

LJ: Oh no Luke crash!!

C: HE HAS THE WORST LUCK. EVER.

LJ: 😦 Dack/c/que/k/x

C: Hahahaha. RIP, dude. Sorry we never figured out how to spell your name.

C: Vader invadering!!

LJ: OMG FALCON PLS WORK

C: MIGHT YOU SUGGEST JACK SH*T, 3PO. YOU JUST GOT THE INDEX FINGER OF SILENCE.

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LJ: Hahahahahahaha

LJ: The Dagobah system!!!

C: Field trip!!!

LJ: Although the Falcon is straight up running from like a million ships right now…but you go ahead.

C: Ohhh Han. If only you’d listened…

LJ: He’s too busy being SO HANDSOME

C: Is his hair more quaffed this time? I feel like the hair people quaffed it up.

LJ: Oh yeah his hair is ready for love

C: LOL. You are ridiculous.

LJ: SHUT UP IT IS

LJ: Yay! Safe in the big asteroid!

LJ: Oh Luke, crashed your fancy spaceship in the gross swamp

C: Super ew.

C: But R2 LOVES this place.

C: …or did for a lil bit. Till, you know, swamp monster.

LJ: It happens

LJ: Woah Vader the back of your head is concerning

C: Heyyyy lumpy, scarred Vader head that is def not James Earl Jones!

LJ: True. Story.

C: YOOOOODAAAAA!!!

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LJ: YESSSSSSS

C: Tiny but mighty. He is a role model to shorties everywhere.

LJ: Yoda why you sound like Grover

C: He does, doesn’t he? Good ol’ Grover…

LJ: OMG HAN YOU ARE THE BEST KIND OF SCOUNDREL

LJ: DAMMIT 3PO

LJ: TRY SOME TACT ON FOR SIZE

C: Hahahaha

C: Poor R2 out in the rain!!!!

LJ: He just made a sound that the Ewoks make in ROTJ

C: Did he??? Whoops.

C: Another vacay for the continuity guy…

LJ: He maybe had a small bladder of something

LJ: 800 years YODA has trained Jedi! Damn dude!

C: What IS his secret? Yoga? Juicing?

LJ: Important questions with the Schuster Sisters.

C: TRUTH.

LJ: Ruuuuun! Run from the giant space whaleworm!

C: Big worm says, “NOM!!!!”

C: Yoda to Luke: HUSH YO MOUTH, B*TCH.

C: Or: YO MOUTH HUSH, B*TCH.

LJ: Hahahaha

LJ: Into the dark side of the swamp, Luke, where there are Komodo dragons

LJ: AND INEXPLICABLY VADER EEEEE

C: Ooooh Vader honey you dropped something. YO HEAD, SON.

LJ: Luke: WHY MAH FACE IN THERE

C: Oooh Luke look at you doing acrobatics and levitating stuff!

LJ: Luke, up your handstand game!

C: Hahahaha

LJ: TRY NOT

LJ: DO

LJ: OR DO NOT

LJ: THERE IS NO TRY

C: “You want the impossible.” LUKE STOP BEING A BRAT.

LJ: LUKE JUST GO LISTEN TO DASHBOARD ON YOU IPOD

C: Hahahahaha

LJ: Cloud City is so pretteh!!

LJ: Lando is so smooth

C: Laying it on thick there, eh Lando?

LJ: Leia is not impressed

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LJ: C3PO PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN

C: HA!

C: Ghost Ben is baaaack!

C: Ghosti-Wan?

LJ: Yep. Yes. Yeah.

C: Lando you friggin’ cheeseball…

LJ: I buy it.

C: …Over Han?

LJ: Um no HAN trumps all

LJ: AHHHH VADER CAME TO DINNER

LJ: Don’t torture Han!!! Nooooooooooo

C: RUDE.

C: HAN U SO BRAVE

LJ: I LOVE YOU TOO HAN

C: “I know.” Most one-sided love declaration ever.

LJ: WORTH IT

LJ: Awkward carbonite face

C: He looks like a chocolate bar.

C: …and now I want chocolate.

LJ: Hahahahaha

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C: Luke’s so sneakeh!

C: R2…not so much.

LJ: …and then there’s R2

LJ: Hahahaha

C: JINX.

LJ: JOKE YOU OWE ME A COKE

LJ: Luke it’s a trap! Leia said so!

LJ: Oh man it’s the showdown

C: WOAH THAT JUMP

LJ: THE JEDI THIGHS DON’T LIE

C: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

LJ: AHHH out the window!!!

C: Luke CAREFUL BRO!!!

LJ: HAND

LJ: LUKE IS NOW A LEFTY

LJ: NO

LJ: THAT’S NOT TRUE

LJ: THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE

C: NOOOOOOOOOO

C: NOOOOOOOOOO

LJ: UGLY CRY

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LJ: He’s doing pretty okay for having a hand lightsabered off

C: Leia hears her brudda!!

LJ: She has the force too! Kinda!

C: …Is Vader wearing heels?

LJ: He’s dark side chic.

C: Hahahaha

LJ: Poor Luke is feeling the feelings about his parentage

LJ: SO WAIT

LJ: When Vader scary robot needled Leia…did he know she was his kiddo?

C: Hmmm. An excellent question. Maybe someone reading can answer? (Any takers?)

LJ: Aaaaand R2 fixes the hyperdrive!!!

C: The Little Droid Who Could

LJ: Did Lando change into Han’s outfit??

C: …Did he? #awkward

LJ: This movie is the best

LJ: Hooray for Star Wars

C: Where would the world BE without it??

LJ: SADLY HAN SOLO-LESS, THAT’S WHERE

C: What a dark, dark place…

LJ: Yes. Han Solo is all.

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Two down! Hopefully we can squeeze in Return of the Jedi soon. In the meantime, I’m still prepping for April Fools! Reminder: if at all possible, please pretty please send me your list by NEXT MONDAY. I will take them past that, but it’d be suuuuuper nice if I could have them all before the end of the month. Kaythanksyoureawesomebye! 🙂

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29 thoughts on “Schuster Sister Shenanigans: Stars Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

  1. no, vader didnt know she was his daughter. It was easier for him to figure out Luke because of the last name. Dont think Skywalker is smith, jones or chang 🙂

    Nicely done ladies. Makes me wish I watched it with you guys 😦

    have you seen the robot chicken spoof clips from this movie. They are some of the best ones they did. I especially love the grenade in the Imperial walker one. I found a pic of what the stormtrooper inside was doing.

  2. “Yoda, why you sound like Grover?”

    I have never had that thought before. And now I will never be able to un-have it. Boo.

    Though it is priceless. 😉

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