The original X-Men trilogy has a great first film and an even greater second film. Hypothetically, the third film should’ve taken all that awesome and tripled it, right? WRONG. X-Men: The Last Stand wasn’t the first superhero letdown (won’t be the last either), but it’s a very frustrating failure that almost immediately earned a slot among my top disappointments way back in 2006. Way to crush a teenage geek’s dreams, Brett Ratner.
***WARNING: SPOILERS MAY FOLLOW***
X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)
Synopsis: “When a cure is found to treat mutations, lines are drawn amongst the X-Men, led by Professor Charles Xavier, and the Brotherhood, a band of powerful mutants organized under Xavier’s former ally, Magneto.” –www.imdb.com
- It’s all our favorite X-Men back in action! Wolverine, Storm, Cyclops, Rogue, Iceman, and all of them wrangled by the benevolent, genius telepath Professor X. Heck, we even missed mischievous Magneto and Mystique, didn’t we?
- Jean Grey is back and she’s become the intense, all-powerful Phoenix! Let the awesome telekinetic destruction ensue!
- Kelsey Grammer as Beast?! Never saw it coming but I’m on board!
- Tension between humans and mutants rage as a “cure” is discovered in the form of a boy who can cancel out mutant powers. The X-Men try to keep the peace as the Brotherhood, a gang of angry mutants brought together by Magneto, threatens war. The plot thickens!
- There’s a dude with ANGEL WINGS?! Surely this film will be straight up MAGICAL!
- Hey there, Mr. Ratner, would you like some crackers with your cheese? This film is downright silly, y’all. It’s a tonal shift from the first two films, and you bet it shows.
- The dialogue HURTS ME. I cringed so many times I think I’ve permanently damaged some muscles.
- Phoenix is boring. Sure, she can literally shred a human being with her mind, but once you’re over the shock and awe of that, what have you got? A shell of a character who gets mad a lot. Yawn. Give me some kind of development.
- So many potentially cool characters are wasted. We have a dude with angel wings, a chick who can run really fast and sense other mutants, a human porcupine, the freaking Juggernaut, and so many more, yet how much do we learn about them? Pretty much zilch. Cool effects, sure, but nothing more. It leaves a sort of hollow feeling.
- WHERE IS NIGHTCRAWLER? He was my favorite part of X2, and I miss him dearly.
- EVERYONE DIES. Cyclops? Dead. Phoenix? Dead. Ninety-nine percent of the Brotherhood? Dead. Professor X? Well…kind of dead. And even some of the ones who don’t die become lame from losing their powers (Mystique, Rogue, and even Magneto…kind of).
- The last line of the film: “Way to go, furball.” SERIOUSLY?
How to recover: I recommend watching X-Men: First Class, which offers up a much younger Professor X and Magneto at the beginning of their turbulent friendship. It gives the X-Men franchise a much-needed clean slate. Also, the upcoming X-Men: Days of Future Past will dabble in time travel. Cross your fingers it changes the extremely lame future!
More NOOOOvember posts coming soon! And, again, if you’d like to vent about your own film disappointments, please let me know! Comment below or shoot me an email (email@example.com).